Life with Twins

Archive for October, 2011

Ya Da Da DAAAAA!

NOW: What is Mommy thinking about today?  Ya da da DAAAAA!

Runny Noses.  You know, runny noses. 

The kind that are super annoying to the person with the runny nose and also annoying to the person taking care of the runny nose. 

The kind that makes your upper lip and nose raw because you have to keep wiping with a tissue.  (FYI: Will kinda can blow his nose, but Ariel just blows out her mouth when instructed)

The kind that cause you to break protocal and actually put something on the end table…..which is a big no-no in my house because everything on the end table winds up on the floor.  And when it’s a box of tissues, it’s not like just the box ends up on the floor.  It’s like a winter wonderland in the living room when I come back from the bathroom.

Not only that, but guess how many children in my house have runny noses?  The obvious answer is two.  But you would be wrong.  Three.  Three Children.  Because every Mommy knows that when their husband is sick……they’ve suddenly birthed another child and become a single mom all in the same instant.  At least that’s how it is in my house.

I’ve realized as i’m writing that this post is going to be more about my husband than the kids.  🙂

Because when the kids (the twins, I mean), have runny noses:

They want to cuddle (only a problem when they’re pushing each other off of mommy’s lap).

They don’t eat as much (only a problem because they drink more…..causing more pee-pee accidents).

They are eternally grateful that Mommy is taking care of them (not a problem at all).  Like the other night…..I put Vicks rub on Will’s chest and told him it would make his nose feel better.  In a little, pathetic, grateful voice he said, “Thank you Mommy.”  I can still hear his words in my head.  Everyone say, AWWWW.

Now……when Tim is sick there’s a whole other ball game going on. 

He wants to cuddle (by himself, on the couch, watching tv and not doing much of anything else).

He wants either soup (acceptable, although annoying when I already have something else planned for dinner)

                                    Or pizza.  And he uses his near-death illness to try and wrangle it out of me even though we are supposed to be watching what we eat and only ordering out/going out once a week.  And we’ve already gone out twice this week as it is.  And we will be going out Saturday and having pizza Sunday.  And we’re supposed to be saving money.  But somehow his pathetic-ness always wins me over.  (Probably because I wouldn’t really mind pizza either and I have no self-control, but that’s besides the point).

He is pretty grateful…..although doesn’t do much to return the favor if HEAVEN FORBID…….I get sick and need a break.  Unless I really am on death’s door.  Which hasn’t happened yet.

Although, I have to say…..a couple weeks ago when I was achy….he did bring me home a pumpkin latte.  And came home early so I didn’t have to deal with twins and making dinner alone.  But he did talk me into ordering pizza.

This is now.

THEN:  The time has come.  Although time seemed to have slowed down indefinitely for the past 8 hours, somehow it was 4:00 and time for us to get ready for the C-section.

And I mean US.  Everyone was on-hand.  I had drugs already pumping through my system (Magnesium Sulfate, more on that later) to help control my impending seizures.  Nurses were standing by.  My families were ushered out of the room, but waited in a nearby hallway.

I was transfered in my hospital bed.  As I went past my mom…..she told me to tell her the names of the twins.  I knew why.  She was scared.  So scared that I might not be able to tell her later.  Or that maybe we wouldn’t have to have names anymore.  But I refused (I’m so mean).  I refused because my eternally optimistic self was not going to give in to her worries.  Even at this time.  I had told her she wouldn’t know the names until they were born.  So when she asked as I was wheeled past her, I told her they weren’t born yet and she would have to wait a little longer.  She smiled at my stubborness.  That was good, at least she didn’t try to strangle the names out of me or something.

I had prepped Tim to bring the Baby Book.  I wanted footprints.  They told me it might not be possible, depending on the condition of the babies.  But they would try their best.

They whisked Tim away to get his suit of armor on.  Actually it was scrubs and booties.  That made me nervous.  I had heard a horror story (what pregnant woman hasn’t) about a woman having a C-Section and they forgot to get her husband until it was almost too late.  And it was at this very hospital.  So I was freaking out.  A lot.  I think it had something to do with the drugs too.  They were making me a little crazy. 

So I asked the nurses about a thousand times not to forget about Tim.  Anytime they were fiddling around or moving me around or setting things up, I would ask them again if Tim could come in yet or if anyone had gone to get Tim.  I was neurotic.  I couldn’t do this without him.  That was then.

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It’s Halloween! (almost)

NOW:  One of my annoying things from last week’s post was that I’m sick of waiting for Halloween to get here.  I’m so excited!  We visited the Great Pumpkin Farm like  forever ago.  We picked out pumpkins at a parking lot stand weeks ago.  I have been wearing orange and black for the past 5 days. 

The Elmo costumes are ready.  Although I haven’t been to Wal Mart and K Mart to look again for red pants.  So, black it is.  For now.

Finally.  Finally.  We got to celebrate Halloween.  Sort of.  “Mommy’s School” had a Halloween party tonight.  Goody bags, hayride, pumpkins, face painting, the works.  When I told the twins they said “YAY, SEE THE KIDS!!!!”  “AND PUMPKINS!!!”  I see where their priorities lie. 

I was missing them so much while I was at work.  I think it’s because I was so excited to see them and get them dressed up and go to Halloween.  🙂

Holidays were always a big deal in my house growing up.  We decorated and planned for weeks.  I am glad Tim embraces the same type of behavior now with our own kids.  We get excited not just for the kids, but for ourselves.  And now it doesn’t seem so weird because we can pretend “it’s for the kids.”  And having the kids makes it that much more special and exciting.  It’s nice because we have fun too.  It’s an escape from reality and the stress of work and chores.  I love that we both still have a child-like mentality within us at times like this.  It will help us stay happy and feeling young and encourages our kids to be excited and curious.

Anyway, not only were they excited because their costumes were laid out and I told them we were going to a party …..Mommy’s shirt and earrings had pumpkins!!!!  I love the fact that they still literally squeal with joy over the smallest things.  🙂

So after the raviolis are done cooking, and a quick wardrobe change….we were off!  For Halloween! 

We went on a little hayride, picked out pumpkins, got a tatoo on our hands, and ate rice krispie treats in the shape of pumpkins.  The twins also got their first taste of Kool-Aid.  🙂  Not THE kool-aid.  Just regular Cherry Kool-Aid.

Everyone exclaimed over their costumes, and I decided the black legs will be fine…..especially because for trick-or-treating it will be dark anyway!

All in all, we had a fun time.  And I’m slightly satisfied in my thirst for celebrating Halloween.  For now.  This is now.

THEN: I think August 30th was one of the longest days of my life.  Tim and I had spent so much time together in the hospital the last couple days we had run out of things to talk about.  We could have talked ourselves in circles about how awful we were both feeling, but what was the point?  Now that we knew the twins had to be delivered we just wanted it done.

We called my mom, dad, and sister first.  Of course they would come up to the hospital later.

Father-in-Law, Sister-in-Law and soon to be Brother-in-Law were next.  Dad and Sarah would come up later.  Ron had to work.  That was fine.  Mother-in-Law was at work.  I was worried about this because it’s really hard for her to get off, especially last minute, especially on a weekend.  But she would be there. 

It was so much of a relief that they would all come.  But it was also nerve-wracking.  I knew it would be more people telling me everything would be ok, and don’t worry, and they weren’t worried.  Even though they were and I didn’t want them to worry.  Part of me wished I could have just called them later and just said “oh by the way, twins were born, everything’s fine.”  But…..that wasn’t reality in any sense.  And besides, I didn’t know if everything would be fine.

But, so be it.  Ever try to watch TV, with limited channels, in the middle of a Sunday afternoon?  Terrible, to say the least.  so that wasn’t an option.  I couldn’t concentrate enough to read.  I guess Tim and I both kinda just wanted to be alone with our thoughts, but be with each other. 

Halfway through the day a nurse from the NICU came up to see us and explain what the NICU was all about.  Now, honestly, I had been preparing for the NICU route from Day 1.  I knew all along that it was a possibility for them to come early, or with low birthweights.  So at least this was not a total shock. 

The nurses explained several different scenarios and types of equipment that would be used.  A pair of nurses was assigned to each baby right in the delivery room so as soon as they were born they could be assessed and taken care of as necessary.  It made me feel marginally better. 

Right now, it was just the waiting.  And the not-knowing.  Were they healthy?  Would there be anything “wrong” with them?  How long would they end up staying there?  What machines would they be hooked to?  Would they be fighting for their lives? 

We didn’t know these answers.  But at 4:38 and 4:40 PM we would find out.

That was then.

Annoying Things

Now:  These are things that are really annoying me right now.  And always.

Number 1: I keep falling asleep on the couch at night.  This is bad for several reasons.  First of all, I miss the end of whatever program I’m watching, or, let’s face it, sometimes the whole show.  Second, I am losing my motivation to exercise because I know that I will fall asleep soon after and I don’t want to “waste” my whole evening exercising.  Third, it’s way too soon to fall asleep after eating my evening snack.

 Number 2: We got a really cool new camera this summer.  Why is that annoying?  Because I can’t bring my camera to work to upload pictures to my blog anymore because Tim won’t let me (which is understandable, but still annoying).  And because I’m feeling that the blog is a lot less interesting without the pictures.

Number 3: Why won’t Halloween just get here already?  I am like a child.  I am so excited to take the twins trick or treating for the first time.  I am agonizing over what the weather will be like that night even though it’s over a week away.  I am planning our route and prepping the kids to say “trick or treat” really loudly.  I am lamenting over the fact that I haven’t found red pants for them to wear under their Elmo costumes and realizing that Elmo(s) might have to have black legs instead of red.

Number 4: Conflicting emotions…..is it almost Halloween already?  Where did October go?  I feel like I’m constantly waiting for what’s next while simultaneously wondering why my days and weeks and months are going so fast.  Probably a common problem, I know.

Anyway.  I’m not having a particularly bad day or crabby mood.  Just thinking about thinking I guess.  🙂  This is now.

What’s annoying you right now? 

THEN:  I woke up early Sunday morning, August 30th.  I spoke to Tim briefly on the phone – long enough for him to tell me he took off again and would be at the hospital soon.  I tried to convince him it wasn’t necessary, but I was quite pleased that he would be coming back (obviously).  While I was waiting a nurse came in.  One of my favorite nurses so far.  And a nurse-in-training.  Also one of my favorite people there.  They said a high-risk doctor would be in sometime this morning to talk to me about my test results.  They both asked if there was anything else I needed.  I only wanted to know if they could estimate the time the doctor would be in because I was hoping Tim would be here when the doctor came.  They weren’t sure, but they seemed very sympathetic.  I tried to seem like it didn’t really matter but I’m sure they saw through me.

I called Tim back immediately.  How soon could he be here?  He was leaving right as I was calling, so about 20 minutes.  I figured that was plenty of time.

Then the doctor and my two nurses walked in.  Where was my husband?  I explained that he was on his way.  They exchanged glances, and I knew that the high-risk doctor had a very busy schedule and would probably not be able to carve out another time to meet with me later.  I told them it was ok.  No husband, no problem.  I was also still convinced that my worst-case-scenario was going to be hospital bedrest for a few weeks.  Or maybe best-case…..bedrest at home.

The doctor began his speech.  And I mean SPEECH.  He was easy to understand and follow…..but he took forever to say what the main point really was.  Basically I was very very sick.  My lack of knowledge about my gestational diabetes was very detrimental to my body.  I was at a high risk of having a stroke, seizures, or a heart attack….or a combination of the three.  Any of these three things could not only kill me, but possibly the children inside me.  Unless it was taken care of immediately. 

So, again, the dillusional optimist in me asked about hospital bedrest.  Through my sobs that were racking my body.  No.  Maybe if it was earlier in the pregnancy another 2 weeks would make a big difference.  But as of right now, giving it another few days was really pushing my luck. 

What did that mean?  Doctor’s recommendation was immediate delivery.  Today.  This afternoon they had an opening in the OR. 

I could not suppress my tears.  I wouldn’t even have tried to, except I was afraid that crying would damage my already fragile body even more.  I tried to calm myself down.  I had tried to keep myself calm for the last 4 days.  Trying to keep my blood pressure normal so that I could just go home and wait 9 more weeks until my babies could be born safetly.  The nurses held my hands and gently rubbed my back.  I was so grateful for them.  I thanked the doctor and the nurses over and over through my tears.  They offered to wait with me until Tim came, but I knew I could probably calm down better by myself for a minute.  I had stopped sobbing, just a few stray tears running down my cheeks, so they felt comfortable with leaving.

What would happen?  What would happen to my babies that were going to be snatched from my body in less than 12 hours even though it was 9 weeks earlier than they should have been born?  I felt helpless.  I felt like I had failed them because it was MY body that was sick, not theirs.  I kept telling them that.  Whispering to my almost-born children.  They needed to stay strong.  They were healthy, they would be fine, their mama would be fine.  The doctors were doing this because it was what was best.  All of our best chance for survival.  It sounds melodramatic typing it now.  But it was reality.

When Tim came in one of my nurses spotted him.  She stood in my doorway while I explained what had to happen.  I was crying again, but not uncontrollably.  I pride myself in being very logical.  I was definitely emotional – a rarity for me – but I knew, logically, that this was the best thing for everyone, and that nothing could be changed, so there was no point wishing for things that weren’t so or that couldn’t come true.  I shouldn’t waste my energy on worrying, although I obviously was worried.  I was using my energy to think positive thoughts for myself and to the children.

What would happen?  We were so scared.  We had to call our families.  We had to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  What would happen?  After everything we went through, why this now?  What would happen?  That was then

P.S.  Thanks for sticking with me, or popping over to visit my blog.  I am not gone…..and hopefully not forgotten!