Life with Twins

Posts tagged ‘exercise’

Flu to 8K

A brand-new take on Couch to 5K……

My flu-like symptoms continued Tuesday…..Wednesday…..Thursday…..

I actually ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill Thursday morning and thought I was going to die.  Or puke (I didn’t….until after I ate breakfast).  Or pass out.  Bad idea.  But good idea.  Because when I did the 2 miles this morning I felt much better.

Why bother?  Because I’m running an 8K Saturday afternoon.  The Shamrock Run in Buffalo.  In 38 degree weather that’s supposed to feel like 19 because the winds are going to be between 40-60 miles per hour.  Lovely.  Good thing I got a free winter hat for signing up!  I’ll be wearing that I’m sure. 

So it’ll be more like Bed to 8K.  Because after spending most of the week in bed I’m still going to try and run this darn thing.  Wish me Luck!  I don’t have any luck of the Irish in my blood, so I’ll need all of the good wishes I can get!

Oh and P.S. – of course the kids were up and about like they had never thrown up (even though I can still smell it in the rug)……but yesterday my dear Father called and said he had come down with it so my Brother in Law is at my house today watching Thing 1 and Thing 2.  And Tim came home from work early last night….laid on the couch all evening, and threw up before coming to bed (but felt better after that – better enough to venture to work today).  What a lovely little stomach bug this was!  I guess it makes up for not being sick all winter.

6 Days Until My Birthday!! (plus some news!)

No-Twin Thursday (yeah, I know, I know)

NOW: Guess what I did (ok, I haven’t done it yet, but I’m going to do it, really)!!!  I signed up (will be) for the Buffalo Half-Marathon!!!  Whoo-hoo!!!!

Ok, I haven’t signed up yet.  But I am serious about it.  I even had a couple of meetings regarding the topic.  First with Tim, then with my friend/running buddy, Kate. 

Kate and I talked about signing up for this months ago.  Then, we kind of casually talked about it a couple of weeks ago (as in; how’s your running going….not so good…..me neither…..).  But I had a training plan that a colleague had shared with me that didn’t start until February 12.  That seemed like a million miles away, so no big deal.  

Luckily, Kate is more on the ball than me.  I want to do it, I have plans to do it, I got her involved in the first place, but then sometimes I just don’t follow through.  Or I put things off until it’s too late.  Kate texted me Wednesday implying that we needed to get our shit together and figure out what the hell we’re going to do about this training plan that starts in two weeks.  Especially since neither of us has been running since our last 5K in the end of September.

I was lazy calm about it.  I said I’d talk to Tim about a good day for her and I to get together and have a little dinner and discussion.  I was thinking like next week…two weeks….

But then I said to myself; “self, get your ass in gear”.  So I did.  We met at Panera last night and planned out a calendar.  I’m a little less flexible than her as far as time because of the twins and Tim not wanting to stay home with the twins.  We decided running in the morning, 3 times a week would work for our shorter runs and then a weekend day (usually Sunday) for the longer ones.  And any day we can’t run together outside for some reason, we have to check in with each other that we got our running in alone that day.

I talked to Tim first.  He’s my workout buddy and I’m going to be abandoning him 3 times a week!  He basically said that was fine as long as I got him out of bed first so that he’ll get up and do the Wii Fit without me.  The other two days I’ll do the Wii Fit with him.  Until the sun starts coming up in the morning and then he’ll go running by himself those two days so that he can do some 5K runs this summer.

Kate and I are also going to run an 8K Shamrock Run in between.  It works out that it’s the same weekend as we are supposed to do a 5 mile run anyway and it will be good motivation.

Normally, we don’t sign up for races ahead of time.  But that’s mostly because the 5K races don’t have a big difference in price even if you wait until the last minute.  But this is a little different.  Not so much for the Shamrock Run, but the Half especially.  So, we’ll save some money (always nice, especially when she has a wedding to pay for in 6 months!) and again, more motivation.  If we’re already out the money we won’t use the rain or something silly as an excuse, right?

I feel so motivated after this little plan!  I ordered a healthier option while at Panera (garden vegetable soup as opposed to broccoli cheddar) and did not get that 420 calorie Caramel latte I wanted so much. 

Perhaps this is just the motivation I needed.  Hopefully it will stand up to Birthday Week dinners!!!  (6 days until my Birthday! Yay!)  This is now.

THEN: It was SO hard that I couldn’t drive after my C-section for 6 weeks.  I needed to get to the hospital!  Luckily, my parents took me every day that Tim was working.  He had decided he would use his time off for when the twins actually came home, rather than now.  I had to rely on my parents’ schedule but usually it was ok.  My mornings were spent at home alone sleeping, pumping, watching tv, pumping, doing some light chores, pumping, eating, and pumping.  Mostly pumping.  And waiting.  Waiting for the time when my mom and dad would come get me and take me to the babies.  It was stressful, but relaxing.  Does that make sense?

I’m not a worrier.  Whatever will be, will be.  And some things are out of my control so worrying isn’t going to solve the problem.  Was I worried about the twins?  Yes, of course.  But they were healthy.  It had been ME that was the problem, not them.  So was I worried, yes, because they were in the hospital and I had all the what if questions…..what if they didn’t gain enough weight, what if their bodies wouldn’t regulate their temperature, what if they didn’t learn how to eat, what if their oxygen levels dropped, what if a crazed nurse stole them from the hospital like a Lifetime movie?

These thoughts were in my mind, yes.  But they were always in the absolute back of my mind.  They didn’t stop me from enjoying and appreciating everything else I was given.  Especially my sleep and freedom.  I had two newborns and I was sleeping through the night and had loads of freetime.  I try to look on the bright side.  🙂  That was then.

Winter Rut

NOW:  I’m really in a bad winter rut.  Not emotionally.  Physically.  And it’s discouraging because I feel like in the last 5 weeks or so, I’ve undone everything I worked for.  Between January 2011 through Mid-December, I was really really good about exercising.  Over the summer I even started running and ran a few 5K’s.  I felt great.  And along with the exercising I was watching what I ate….not obsessively, but just paying attention to my hunger cues and adding more veggies and healthier options.

I knew things would go downhill at the holidays.  With going out shopping came going out to dinner.  We still were sort of trying to find better options but we were still busy enough that we weren’t cooking at home as often and maybe not paying as much attention.  Now, I’m not talking about going to a fast-food place and getting fatty or fried foods!  Even if we ran to Applebee’s we didn’t get a big cheeseburger with fries along with an appetizer or something.  We didn’t pick off of the Weight Watchers menu either, but we tried to get grilled chicken or steak with veggies.   And we almost always cut our meal in half and take half home. 

Things really fell apart the week AFTER Christmas.  I was off and had no intention of getting up at 5:30 in the morning to exercise.  That was my first mistake I guess.  It was more important for me to get that sleep.  Which actually ended up working out ok because with Will being SO sick (broncialitis/pneumonia), he was waking me up VERY often in the night and I felt exhausted anyway.

Ok, so the New Year came and my first day back was January 3rd, but I still felt honestly just exhausted.  I didn’t catch up on sleep at all the week before and I was definitely feeling run down.  So, again, I chose sleep over exercise.  All week.  Again.  I felt refreshed.  And not guilty.  Not good.  Because justifying it can be a big mistake.  I know that from past experiences.

The week of the 9th was better.  We got up Monday, Tuesday, took a break Wednesday, got up Thursday.  Friday…..not so much…..Will had been waking me up like every half-hour during the night and then the dog woke me up once because he threw up.  When my alarm went off, I cried.  Tim said this was an extenuating circumstance and I should get the extra hour of sleep.  So I did.

Starting Sunday, Tim was sick.  Like puking sick.  So…..I was very busy.  I was on my own with the kids and then I also needed to take care of him. He didn’t need much, just an occasional glass of water or some crackers.  I did have to make dinner, which he had been planning on doing, and then he didn’t eat even though he requested Lipton soup.  The kids loved it though!  I wasn’t sure how that would work out…..they’ve had it before but only by taking little sips off of our spoons.  But I gave them more noodles/less broth and they did VERY well!  I was impressed.  So that was good.

Monday I had off, Tim was still sick, I didn’t even consider exercising.  Again, setting a bad precedent for the week.  Tuesday morning, my alarm was all set.  But my resolve wasn’t.  And this is where my problem lies.  I haven’t exercised all week.  Tim had an excuse, he’s still pretty weak.  He finally ate just yesterday.  Here’s my main problem – my motivation seems to be gone.  And it feels like it’s been gone for a while.  I love(d) exercising.  I love feeling great.  I love getting up in the morning and feeling like I accomplished something.  I love when my pants don’t feel tight (which they do right now).  So what is MY PROBLEM!!!!!   I’m so mad at myself, but apparently not mad enough to do something about it.  Even today, I said to myself, meh, it’s already Thursday, why bother getting up to exercise now.  WHAT!?  Ridiculous.  And I know it’s ridiculous.  But I’m still not doing anything about it.

I also have a terrible terrible habit of eating if I can get away with it.  For some reason, when I get home from work and I’m starting to make dinner, I almost always get very shaky.  Like low-blood-sugar or something.  What I should do, is have a nice, high-protein snack as soon as I get home and that will hold me off until dinner.  But I don’t.  I wait until I’m shaky, light-headed, hot/cold, and irritable.  Then I have 3 handfuls of cashews (probably 3 servings right there), a couple pieces of chocolate, and maybe even some tomatoes or something if I’m making salads.  So not only am I ingesting all of these calories after eating good all day, plus I didn’t exercise, plus it’s only like an hour before dinner. 

I just don’t understand how I know it’s bad and wrong  and I feel physically awful especially in the area of pants being tight.  And yet I don’t feel guilty enough to fix it.  Maybe writing down these confessions will help.  Maybe you guys should all comment (yay, please comment!) about how I need to get my lazy self back to exercising and not gorging on cashews every evening before Tim gets home.

Not only that, but I know part of my decrease in motivation comes from the fact that I worked so hard for 11 months and now it’s all undone so what’s even the point?  Why work hard again for another 11 months when I can just buy bigger pants?  Laziness is so much easier. 

Every once in a while, I do get that fleeting thought in the back of my mind…..maybe if I tried even harder it wouldn’t take 11 months?  Maybe.  This is now.

THEN: Did I mention the breast-feeding?  No?  I’ve got to work it in someplace.  So, I had planned on breastfeeding the twins.  Can’t do that when they’re on feeding tubes in the NICU.  No, not so much.  But that’s ok.  I can just pump and they can put whatever I get into their feeding tubes.  Although getting less than an ounce after almost a half-hour of pumping is rather discouraging.  Especially when there’s two mouths to feed.  Luckily for me, I was able to stay in the hospital those few extra days.  The lactation nurses came to see me whenever I needed.  I just had to get used to the idea of 2-3 women playing with my boobs every time I needed a little assistance.  I felt it was worth it.  And I suppose an ounce is really not that bad when your kids are only eating a couple ounces at a time anyway.  But it was always on my mind that obviously, eventually, soon, they would need to eat more.  In the meantime they were being supplemented with formula.  I was told multiple times not to feel guilty and that every little teensy tiny bit helped.  And that pumping was bound to get you less milk anyway.  And that having a C-section was bound to get you less.  And that having a delivery at 31 weeks was bound to get you less because your body wasn’t supposed to be ready to give milk for another 7-9 weeks.  And all of these things made sense logically so it’s good that I’m normally a very logical person.

 But I still felt guilty.  And I still felt like since I was just sitting in my hospital room anyway maybe I should just leave the pump attached all day long or something.

 They also said don’t worry about getting up in the night; I needed my rest.  Screw that, my babies needed to eat!  They weren’t sleeping through the night without having to eat, so I couldn’t sleep through the night without making them some food.  They were eating every two hours.  I was pumping every two hours.  Sometimes by the time I got it all set up, pumped for a half-hour or so, and then cleaned up the machine so it would be ready for next time I felt that it probably would be easier just to leave everything attached all day.  Like a cow.  It was not easy.  Emotionally or physically.  I felt drained.  I felt like a failure.  I knew that eventually I would make more but it was hard to convince myself of that when all I had were mere drops to feed my children.  Like really, drops, like when they would pour it from the tube I pumped it into to and try to get it into the feeding tube, there probably was nothing left because it all just got stuck on the side of the container.  I was told to take a picture of them and look at it while I was pumping to stir up some emotion.  That actually did help a lot, especially when I was first home.  They told me to massage my breasts a little before pumping.  That helped too.  A little.  My determination got me through I think.  It is not easy to breastfeed, pump, whatever – I tell everyone that.  But in my opinion, it’s worth it for the vitamins and antibodies that I believe I was providing to my babies.  And since this experience, I have had A LOT of new-mom friends come to me for advice.  I’m no lactation consultant (those people crazy (in a good way)), but I do think that if you can do it, (because not everyone can), you should do it.  Or at least try for a little while because every little teensy tiny bit helps.  That was then.

Morning Routine (no-twin-Tuesday)

I’ve done it.  I’ve accomplished something marvelous.  It might only be temporary, due to any unforeseen circumstances but the fact that it is currently happening is nothing short of miraculous.

Tim is getting up early with me and exercising.  And likes it.

I have been trying to do this for a long time.  Even when we would have an event planned in the evening and we would know we weren’t going to exercise he would refuse to get up early. 

But we’ve been slacking off as of late and I decided it was time to try something new.  Not only were we skipping days, but we were so tired by the end of the day that we weren’t putting a lot of effort in when we did exercise.

So, last weekend I broached the subject again.  I said we’d have more time at night to just relax.  One of the reasons I didn’t like exercising after the kids were in bed was because that only left about 2 hours before we went to bed.  So, we’d get ready, we’d exercise, we’d shower, and we’d have maybe a half-hour before I was falling asleep on the couch.  Plus, I was just plain exhausted after working all day, dealing with twins while trying to start dinner, and then playing after dinner. 

So he agreed to try.  YAY YAY YAY!!!  Last week we got up every morning.  Well, he was on death’s door Thursday and Friday so he skipped, but whatever.  And this week we are still going strong!  We even got up Saturday morning before swim class. 

I feel like I have more energy in the morning, both as I’m exercising and then after.  I feel like it adds more time to our day….which it really does because we’re getting up an hour earlier.  Plus, I don’t feel so guilty making evening plans because I still get my workout in.  I also think it is helping me control my eating again because I can’t tell myself that I’ll just work it off later.  Nope, too late, you already exercised for the day.  I also read an article about morning workouts that said you need to give yourself at least 3 weeks to readjust to your new schedule.  So as of right now, that’s the plan.

Last week I don’t feel like I was any more tired than usual because of this new routine, but this week I’m feeling it a little more.  But that’s more due to our busy weekend. 

We stayed up late Saturday because we went out to dinner and then spontaneously decided to catch a showing at 11 PM of The Rocky Horror Picture Show……complete with props!!!!   I was so excited!  It was a lot of fun, but it has sure taken it’s toll on me as far as being tired.  Friends of ours and Tim and I decided to visit a restaurant called Tantalus.  AMAZING!!  The only bad thing was that the menu was enormous….and everything sounded so good!  It was hard to decide.  We started with a seafood appetizer and I had a glass of red wine.  Then, I tried a cup of their Apple Pumpkin Goat Cheese Soup.  I wished I had ordered the bowl instead because it was SO yummy!  Then, another glass of wine.  For dinner, I had a pasta dish called The Tuxedo.  It was linguini, and linguini infused with squid ink.  Then it was mixed with a spicy red tomato sauce, chunks of tomatoes, kalamata olives, pine nuts, and anchovies.  I’m not normally an anchovy person, but I sure was with this dish!  To end the meal, I tried their hot apple cider “kicked up” with a shot of Van Gogh Caramel Vodka.  It was heavenly. 

After dinner we were walking across the brick street to a small bar to finish watching the Sabres Game.  On the way we passed by the local Theater…..which was showing Rocky Horror that night.  We went in and inquired about props, found out they were allowed, and left the boys at the bar while we ran to Tops for supplies!  When we got back we rounded them up (not too hard to do because the Sabres game was done) and invaded the theater.  I have ALWAYS wanted to do this movie in the theater with the props and my experience was not disappointing.  It was SO SO SO much fun.  And as my friend said……it was one of those spontaneous things we used to do more often before I had kids.  Which was not meant in a bad way at all, and was very true! 

I spoke to Tim about it afterwards.  We don’t get a lot of nights out where we can be spontaneous.  Usually we get a babysitter for a specific event, we go to the event, we go home.  This was such a nice night because aside from dinner, we had no agenda.  We could have done basically whatever we wanted.  And we did.  What a treat!

Then Sunday we carved pumpkins, and yesterday we went out trick-or-treating. 

So, as I’m writing this, I am exhausted.  The last few days were exhausting.  Work was exhausting.  Kids are exhausting.  I’m ready to get a good night’s sleep (and it’s only 4:00) and start fresh…….with my morning workout!!!!!!!

Annoying Things

Now:  These are things that are really annoying me right now.  And always.

Number 1: I keep falling asleep on the couch at night.  This is bad for several reasons.  First of all, I miss the end of whatever program I’m watching, or, let’s face it, sometimes the whole show.  Second, I am losing my motivation to exercise because I know that I will fall asleep soon after and I don’t want to “waste” my whole evening exercising.  Third, it’s way too soon to fall asleep after eating my evening snack.

 Number 2: We got a really cool new camera this summer.  Why is that annoying?  Because I can’t bring my camera to work to upload pictures to my blog anymore because Tim won’t let me (which is understandable, but still annoying).  And because I’m feeling that the blog is a lot less interesting without the pictures.

Number 3: Why won’t Halloween just get here already?  I am like a child.  I am so excited to take the twins trick or treating for the first time.  I am agonizing over what the weather will be like that night even though it’s over a week away.  I am planning our route and prepping the kids to say “trick or treat” really loudly.  I am lamenting over the fact that I haven’t found red pants for them to wear under their Elmo costumes and realizing that Elmo(s) might have to have black legs instead of red.

Number 4: Conflicting emotions…..is it almost Halloween already?  Where did October go?  I feel like I’m constantly waiting for what’s next while simultaneously wondering why my days and weeks and months are going so fast.  Probably a common problem, I know.

Anyway.  I’m not having a particularly bad day or crabby mood.  Just thinking about thinking I guess.  🙂  This is now.

What’s annoying you right now? 

THEN:  I woke up early Sunday morning, August 30th.  I spoke to Tim briefly on the phone – long enough for him to tell me he took off again and would be at the hospital soon.  I tried to convince him it wasn’t necessary, but I was quite pleased that he would be coming back (obviously).  While I was waiting a nurse came in.  One of my favorite nurses so far.  And a nurse-in-training.  Also one of my favorite people there.  They said a high-risk doctor would be in sometime this morning to talk to me about my test results.  They both asked if there was anything else I needed.  I only wanted to know if they could estimate the time the doctor would be in because I was hoping Tim would be here when the doctor came.  They weren’t sure, but they seemed very sympathetic.  I tried to seem like it didn’t really matter but I’m sure they saw through me.

I called Tim back immediately.  How soon could he be here?  He was leaving right as I was calling, so about 20 minutes.  I figured that was plenty of time.

Then the doctor and my two nurses walked in.  Where was my husband?  I explained that he was on his way.  They exchanged glances, and I knew that the high-risk doctor had a very busy schedule and would probably not be able to carve out another time to meet with me later.  I told them it was ok.  No husband, no problem.  I was also still convinced that my worst-case-scenario was going to be hospital bedrest for a few weeks.  Or maybe best-case…..bedrest at home.

The doctor began his speech.  And I mean SPEECH.  He was easy to understand and follow…..but he took forever to say what the main point really was.  Basically I was very very sick.  My lack of knowledge about my gestational diabetes was very detrimental to my body.  I was at a high risk of having a stroke, seizures, or a heart attack….or a combination of the three.  Any of these three things could not only kill me, but possibly the children inside me.  Unless it was taken care of immediately. 

So, again, the dillusional optimist in me asked about hospital bedrest.  Through my sobs that were racking my body.  No.  Maybe if it was earlier in the pregnancy another 2 weeks would make a big difference.  But as of right now, giving it another few days was really pushing my luck. 

What did that mean?  Doctor’s recommendation was immediate delivery.  Today.  This afternoon they had an opening in the OR. 

I could not suppress my tears.  I wouldn’t even have tried to, except I was afraid that crying would damage my already fragile body even more.  I tried to calm myself down.  I had tried to keep myself calm for the last 4 days.  Trying to keep my blood pressure normal so that I could just go home and wait 9 more weeks until my babies could be born safetly.  The nurses held my hands and gently rubbed my back.  I was so grateful for them.  I thanked the doctor and the nurses over and over through my tears.  They offered to wait with me until Tim came, but I knew I could probably calm down better by myself for a minute.  I had stopped sobbing, just a few stray tears running down my cheeks, so they felt comfortable with leaving.

What would happen?  What would happen to my babies that were going to be snatched from my body in less than 12 hours even though it was 9 weeks earlier than they should have been born?  I felt helpless.  I felt like I had failed them because it was MY body that was sick, not theirs.  I kept telling them that.  Whispering to my almost-born children.  They needed to stay strong.  They were healthy, they would be fine, their mama would be fine.  The doctors were doing this because it was what was best.  All of our best chance for survival.  It sounds melodramatic typing it now.  But it was reality.

When Tim came in one of my nurses spotted him.  She stood in my doorway while I explained what had to happen.  I was crying again, but not uncontrollably.  I pride myself in being very logical.  I was definitely emotional – a rarity for me – but I knew, logically, that this was the best thing for everyone, and that nothing could be changed, so there was no point wishing for things that weren’t so or that couldn’t come true.  I shouldn’t waste my energy on worrying, although I obviously was worried.  I was using my energy to think positive thoughts for myself and to the children.

What would happen?  We were so scared.  We had to call our families.  We had to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  What would happen?  After everything we went through, why this now?  What would happen?  That was then

P.S.  Thanks for sticking with me, or popping over to visit my blog.  I am not gone…..and hopefully not forgotten!

Rainy Day

NOW: We haven’t had any rainy days this summer.  Finally, one hit.  What the F am I supposed to do when I can’t even go outside with these 2? 

We went out for a little while in the morning, before the rain hit.  But it was dark.  And thundering.  I figured we better come inside.

We were sitting at the kitchen table, eating a snack, and I was in panic mode.  What will we do all day?  My first thought is turn on the TV.  Ok, last resort.  I was feeling pretty desperate.  I don’t know why…..what did we do all winter?  And it’s not like we don’t have millions of toys (not an exaggeration – friends whose kids are in daycare say we have more toys than the daycare).

OK, so what would we do?  COLOR!  That will hold for a little while.  🙂

It wasn’t too long ago that Will was more interested in eating crayons than coloring with them.  Ariel had caught on a little faster that they taste disgusting.  Now, it’s much better because I don’t have to watch him like a hawk; making sure he doesn’t end up with green teeth again.  It’s hard for me to remember that this is an ok activity now. 

They colored for longer than I thought.  Whew!  They really ended up having a good time, and even asked again to color later!  My little babies are growing up so fast. 

However, later on, they were not so agreeable.  Well, Will was not so agreeable.  I don’t know what was going on with him but he was being a bit of a monster.  I am happy to report that I did not raise my voice once.  He just kept whining and moaning and making this super annoying groaning sound.  I had no idea what was wrong with him.  I kept asking him over and over and over.  He’d play for like 5 minutes, and all the sudden be sitting and moaning again.  My kids have a lot of language skills – if something was wrong he should be able to kinda tell me. 

Finally, around 4:00, I took him very gently by the shoulders so he would look right at me.  I went through every body part, asking if it hurt.  He kept saying no.  I asked if he was tired.  I asked if he was hungry – YES!  And he ran to his highchair.  Well for goodness sake kid all you had to do was TELL MOMMY!  It was so frustrating.  Probably the most frustrated I’ve been with either of them all summer.

I gave him some blueberries as a little snack because it was only about an hour and half until dinner.  I know that at this age, if they say they’re hungry they really are.  I figured at least I was giving him a healthy option and if it meant he ate a little less at dinner, oh well, it was fruit!  Ariel had some cantelope. 

When Tim came home he asked if I was going to try and get a job next summer.  Ha Ha.

After they were in bed, I got on the Wii Fit to weigh-in.  Gained 0.7 lbs.  This was in addition to the 2 lbs. I had supposedly gained this weekend.   

I went running. 

I ran. 

And it helped all of my frustration from the day just melt away.  I did my normal route in 28 minutes – usually it takes me at least 30.  I don’t know why I just discovered this whole running thing.  I wish I had figured out sooner how much I like it!  HA!

When I came back the boy was still crying in his crib.  Tim and I finished our strength training and yoga together and then I finally I went in to check on him.  He was instantaneously quiet when I walked in.  Hm, very suspicious.  Obviously there was nothing “wrong”.  He just wanted company.  Which I guess is ok every once in a while.  I calmed him down and then went to take a shower.  When I got out…..crying again.  I stayed a little longer this time, rubbing his back, waiting until he fell asleep.  I was glad I got to go for that run because it helped me keep my sanity for this.

Sometimes I feel so guilty when I’m frustrated.  Sometimes I feel so guilty when I’m favoring one over the other.  All day, Ariel was fine.  Happy, playing, cute.  And at times, I wished it was just her and I for a couple hours and that I didn’t have to deal with the other one.  I feel like I didnt even get to spend time with her because I was trying to figure out what in the hell was wrong with Will. 

Patience helps me get over my guilt I guess.  If I was snapping at them or showing my frustration, I would feel more guilty.  He wasn’t meaning to be frustrating and I just kept that perspective in mind all day.  I counted to 10 in my head.  A lot.  I used my patient-mommy voice.  Because if they know I’m frustrated, they get even more frustrated….which is even worse. 

I guess I’m just venting.  And bragging.  Because I kept my cool.  All Day Long.  And by the end of the day I don’t know how I did it.  And by the end of the day I was ready to get a part-time job not only for next summer, but maybe even the rest of this one.  🙂   This is now.

THEN:  Oh, the heartburn.  I didn’t have any all pregnancy.  I know it’s a symptom, so I wasn’t concerned.  At first.  It was a Thursday night.  I woke up with a pain in my chest.  Heartburn.  I tried sitting up a little in bed to ease the feeling.  It was not comfortable for my stomach.  I laid down again.  I sat up again.  I laid down again.  Finally, Tim woke up.  Kinda what I was aiming for, without having to actually wake him.  The feeling was becoming unbearable.  He got up and looked in the medicine cabinet to see if I could take anything.  I didn’t want to risk it.  Not yet.

So, he did what any normal person does in “this day in age”.  Looked on the internet.  Milk.  Crackers.  Sit up. 

I was so tired.  I just wanted to lay down in my bed.  I did not want to be drinking milk.  I did not want to be eating crackers.  I did not want to be sitting up.  I wanted to be sleeping. 

He went and got me some milk and crackers.

I ate and drank while sitting up in bed.  He laid back down.  What else was he supposed to do, right?  He fell asleep.  I tried laying down again.  Way worse.

I decided to go hang out in the rocking chair in one of the baby rooms.  It was the room we were going to put them both in at first when they came home.  I rocked and ate more crackers and thought about my little ones in my belly.  They were probably sleeping.  Just like my husband.  I kinda tried to rest my eyes.  I fell asleep a little bit, here and there, only a light sleep.  The pain was not really subsiding, even with milk and crackers and sitting up.  Oh well, it was just one night.  I could nap tomorrow. 

I tried not to worry about it.  Lots of people get heartburn while pregnant.  The internet said so. 

When Tim got up the next morning, early, I was still in the rocking chair.  Still awake.  The pain was still there.  What if something was wrong?  I hadn’t had heartburn this whole 7 months, why suddenly now?  We went downstairs and he asked if I wanted breakfast but I wasn’t hungry, I couldn’t eat.  It would hurt.  He suggested I call the doctor.  He never suggests I call the doctor.  I never call the doctor.  Doctors just tell you you’re fine and send you on your way and you feel stupid for even asking.  Just because I had heartburn all night and this morning was no reason to call the doctor.  He wasn’t even there yet, it was only 7 in the morning.  I was fine.  That was then.

5K Fever (No-Twin Tuesdays)

NOW: Ok, I am now definitely addicted to running.  Ran another 5K on Saturday morning.  2 hours before I was supposed to be leaving for a wedding.  It was a casual wedding….it’s not like I had to spend a ton of time doing hair and make up.  I’m not one to care what people think about me anyway.

So, my second 5K.  It. Was. Hot.  It was nice because the route was basically around my neighborhood.  There were 2 water stations this time…..but they gave little bottles of water which were kind of annoying to open.  Beggers can’t be choosers I guess. 

I am disappointed to say I walked like 4 times.  I blame Tim though.  🙂  He and the twins were waiting for me at one of the corners near our house.  I was really wanting to walk at that point but I knew he’d see me, so I kept pushing myself.  Well then, he’s flagging me over.  What?  What do you want?  How do you wash the stuffed animals?  In the (F***ing) washing machine!!!!  I understood why he did it.  The stuffed animals absolutely NEED to be washed and dried before naptime or Will freaks out.  Well, we weren’t going to be home!  So, they needed to be washed and dried before we left.  But still, come on, stopping to ask me that?  I’m gonna put instructions for everything taped to the washer and dryer from now on.  He didn’t want to be the one to destroy Mr. Bear by putting him on the wrong setting in the washer.  I explained later that it’s really only the dryer that matters – no heat, just air dry. 

I didn’t even get to say hi to the twins as I ran by.  Tim said he’s never coming to watch me again anyway because as soon as I kept going and didn’t stop, the twins were screaming MA MA MA MA MA MA MA MOMMY MOMMY!  So, at least until they’re old enough.

Then, because I had already slowed down once to talk to him, I figured it couldn’t hurt to walk a little bit.  To the red truck.  Only a few driveways.  So I did.  Then there was a downhill, so no more walking.  Then uphill…..OK a little more walking.  Downhill – no.  Uphill – a little.  Downhill – no.  Then there was a BIG uphill.  I thought about letting myself walk it but then I would be going twice as slow.  Obviously.  So I sprinted up the hill.   Then walked a little more.  The finish line was in sight but not the timer yet.  I was pretty bummed already and figured I wasn’t going to beat my time.  I think that’s one reason I allowed myself to walk so much.  When I saw the clock, it was at 33 minutes.  Wow!  I wasn’t that far off.  I sprinted a little more to try and beat my time anyway, but got there at 33 minutes, 30 seconds.  About 7 seconds slower than last time.  And I had walked a LOT more!  That must mean when I did run, I ran faster, right?  Right.  I was still mad at myself though.  Even if I had walked 1 less time, I would have beaten my previous time. 

We’re going to run another one mid-August.  We’ve been recruiting more people.  Suckers.  Tim’s one of them.  He vows that he’s going to try the next one.  It’s at the Erie County Fairgrounds, during the fair, so that’s AWESOME!!!!    Our friend, Kate, came to this one and says she definitely wants to run more too.  She and I are going to go running tonight.  She’s a little slower than me, but she has never really run before.  I figure even if I keep at her pace I’ll run the whole time without stopping to walk, so that would be a great way to build up my stamina. 

I love that a bunch of us are doing this together.  I had been running by myself anyway, just needed a catalyst to get me to sign up for “actual” runs.  And now that so many of our friends are joining in, it’s a lot of fun.  I’m not a competitive person usually, but this is something I am becoming competitive about.  Plus, Kate says she’ll run the Disney Marathon with me in 5 years, so it’s something else to plan/train for.  If we start planning now, we’re more likely to actually do it.  🙂 

And it’s something I’m doing for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love living for my kids (and Tim).  I would do anything for any of them.  I feel like I was born to be their mother and I feel like I’m doing a Damn good job of it.  As I was running my first 5K, I said to myself “do it for them”.  But then, I realized…..No, I’m not doing it for them…..I’m doing it for me.  And if this is the way I can be selfish and do something that’s just for me, than at least it’s a healthy outlet.  I’m getting in shape.  I feel good.  And it’s a stress reliever.  And I’m doing it just for me.  Just to run.  Just because I like it.  It takes up time – it means sometimes Tim has to stay home a little more with the kids, or if he runs with me it will mean getting a babysitter for a couple hours.  But it’s my one way to be a little selfish.  This is now.

THEN:  I had quite a bit of trouble sleeping when I was pregnant too.  Probably everyone does.  The swelling in my ankles and feet and wrists and hands didn’t help.  I would try to prop my belly up on one pillow, and my feet up on another.  It wasn’t very comfortable.  Plus, my carpel tunnel would be extremely painful at night for some reason and I couldn’t really elevate my wrists. 

I tried many different pillows for my belly.  I tried regular pillows but they were too bulky.  A body pillow worked for a short time, but it was too bulky too.  I wanted something small enough to go under my belly for support, but not push me over.  I went back to regular pillows because I hated the body pillow.  Then I tried throw pillows from the couch because they were a little thinner, but they weren’t the right shape. 

I was very picky.  But I really wanted to get a good night’s sleep.  Once they were born it would probably be a long time before I slept through the night.  Plus, I had to rest.

I started taking naps in the afternoon too.  On the couch.  I think the way the cushions were just helped a little better with my belly.  And my ankles and wrists weren’t so swollen in the middle of the day.

But at night I wanted to be in my bed.  I didn’t want to sleep alone on the couch.  So I kept trying different pillows.  Finally, in July, we were at Babies R Us and I found a triangular pillow, meant to help with my problem.  I convinced Tim to buy it – it was a worthwhile investment even though no other pillows were working and he had little faith in this one.  But it was only like $12. 

It was like a miracle-worker.  This little ramp-shaped piece of foam was just what I needed.  I felt like Goldilocks – finally finding the one that was JUST RIGHT.  What a relief.  It was such a big help and even though I was still slightly uncomfortable and not totally sleeping through the night it definitely helped with the belly situation.  Now, if only there was some way to help the getting-up-to-pee-every-hour-situation.  That was then.